Poetry: #107 At The Core (Part 2) (Used 15)

A selection from a personal collection: Used

Preface

As this collection unfolds each week, I want you, dear reader or listener, to understand that no matter what you’re going through, what you’ve been through, there is an end—there is light at the end of the tunnel. Letting go of the past is only possible if you live in the present. Make the past history, learn what you can about yourself, at whatever pace is comfortable, and I promise your present will take you to a brighter future.

At The Core (Part 2)

Yet. At the core…
There are still thoughts I distaste and wish I could break. There are still moments that I am not myself and I must look further within for where my loyal beliefs might rest.
There is a never ending battle between my psyche and my heart.
A war between light and dark.
At the core all I am is a raging contradiction of words.
Meaningless words, yet they consume my soul.
Seeking wisdom from withered wonderers upon winter paths I lie,
To them, to me. To all who can hear me!
I lie to Fate and the plans in store for me.
I break my promises to myself while upholding the bonds I must break.
I find solace in silence and solitude as I have said many a time,
Truth is these days I find solace is sounds; vibrations in the air.
They allow me to sleep and rest my wicked thoughts.
They give me the ability to forget how horrible I have become.
I may be nice to some, but that is not true of the entire sum.
I rest listening to horrid characters of shows upon my screen,
Hoping one day to grow into their roles as I preen…
There is nothing darker than wishing to be someone else
To search for something so distinctly different to be what I am not.
There is nothing more wicked than living inside one’s own thoughts and brooding upon the meanings held within.
Is it true that at my core all I am is an egocentric who dwells upon the importance of my own thoughts?
I alone who know I can only rely upon myself being the smartest person I know.
Writing about my thoughts and believing that these words actually mean something to another.
I chose long ago to keep my deepest feelings hidden from sight,
 But at the same time I wrote about a dog and his impact on my life.
Never underestimate the power of your own words.
Yes, but also never trust that others will take understanding to your words.
I fight a constant battle with my deepest desires, my wishes—my core.
At the end of the day all I know I can say is that I am at war.
Trying to love another person with the way I have been torn is nothing short of a chore.
To seek some silky maiden in the middle of her melodic life is far removed from my will.
I want to choose to look for another, but I would rather wallow and read about what love is.
I would much rather search for love in words, those specs without meaning save that of intent.
To examine every filthy crumb at my feet in some mad attempt to resurrect a part of me that has died.
I see, and at my core I wish it weren’t so, no reason to love for love of preference doesn’t compare to the eternal love I have felt and know is lurking within me.
I glower upon the Lake of Love and Soren I can honestly say I agree.
No matter how far down I look no matter how far I might see,
There is no end to the depths of love God has provided for me.
It is one of those fabled legends that if you do not wish to feel you can ignore
True love is withholding the touch of love if it is unwanted, yet still knowing when enough is enough.
Oh! How I have tempted fate this month.
Oh! How I have forced myself into pity.
Oh! How I have stunted myself emotionally.
Oh! How the touch of others is like the heat of the sun.

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What are your thoughts on this poem?

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I hear another poem is coming every Saturday!