Poetry: #75 Drifted Thought (Demise 13)
And my thoughts after revisiting the words
Drifted Thought
The ink has left my skin like dirt next to the ocean. The pain in my soul has given to anger from my core. The feeling of doom has set in and yet I still retain, all of my insecurities of inconsequential purities. Where has the time gone working on the pipeline? Employed outside in the sun has brought daily grind. No need to be thanked as there is pay from the tank. The impenetrable system that provides clothes and care. The amount subsidized by the people who grieve. No profit in providing for my every need, save the one that I know that she dreams. The dream of a lifeless body left alone, In an attempt at vengeance finally sown, A pitiful display of justice made her own. I know her lover has been set to disown, And that proves there is no way to atone. Well, there is more pity in my heart than there is emotion. There is more hate than logic or reason, and it curses my soul with a plague of grief deeper than I’ve ever possessed. As my thoughts drift through the shallow waters I see how clearly I performed. I never thought to entertain the media, but by the end my shallow actions brought a deep sea of relentless waves. One after another, they were mere ripples before becoming the behemoths of mid oceans’ storm. Now they are that of a rough lake Eerie and before too long they will subside. But no matter where I go I find myself living a lie. “This demon that finds his safe place to hide.” Well, I’m glad someone can find solace knowing I am safe, provides me with comfort just knowing I am being thought of. The warmth of fames’ water is greater than any act I can ever complete. I may be called a demon but never will I let the filthy waters they call pure touch my skin. I prefer chlorine to give my body a break from every bacteria infested pore it has. And there is no one who can prove to me that this will all last. I want it to, I become ecstatic at the mere thought of knowing how much the world loved you. My angel, my deepest desire, we will be together soon.
What are your thoughts on this poem?
My Thoughts on Demise 13
And just like that, the picture broadens and we know this man is in jail. We know that he has murdered a woman. However, we only learn this when he has let his mind drift to the thoughts of malice and contempt. The water that he looks at as he works, most likely picking trash up off the side of the road near a large body of polluted water. The man is cold and callous in this moment, and while he may hate the situation he is in, he’s safe with shelter and clothing.
The darkness of the man changes the mood from the poetic thoughts in the first stanza to the drifting ranting of the remainder of the poem. There is no form left in his thoughts. The man gives us insight into what he thinks of his situation. Yes, there are consequences to his actions, but he is kept safe from the world. Whoever he murdered must have been important enough to draw media attention. He sees fame in his action after all. He has pity for those outside the jail, and that is a curious thought indeed.
He is called a demon, and at the irony of being locked up, safe and secure, the man’s cold heart is warmed. He enjoys it. He revels in it. This man is so spiteful that he rejects the world outside, the water without chlorine, and scoffs at the idea of living in filth. The man is clean in his mind, but even as these thoughts come to him he is reminded of why he is in jail… and the story he is telling turns into something else.
Love. The woman he murdered was someone he loved. She was his deepest desire and as much as he wants to stay alive, he believes he will meet her soon. Why the man believes this, we do not know, but in his cynical callousness he still clings to life, life that may not be in his control.
We all have dark thoughts from time to time. Some of us are better at ignoring them or finding a way past them than others. Exercise, writing, and mediation are all great ways to work through such thoughts. The important part is that whatever we do, we should find people with whom we can share this side of our character. In order to rise above the dark thoughts, we need accountability, people who will not see us as lesser and will help us to work through these kinds of thoughts. Without this support, we risk jumping into the darkness. Such actions may have severe consequences. This is why we must have support, and must find a way to control, or at least exercise, our emotions.
Question Section
While this story is about a man who murdered a woman, dark thoughts come in many shapes and sizes. For me, I find the thoughts of never living up to expectations and that everyone around me is conspiring against me are my most common dark thoughts that I strive against. I have people in my life I can speak to, and when all else fails I have writing to pull the thoughts out and into a plot, making them productive. Do you have someone you can speak to when you are in a bad or dark place? What do they do to help you work through whatever is on your mind? Or do you have a hobby that can be used to work through the thoughts? Feel free to share in the comments and let’s work together to find ways through these dark thoughts.
I hear another poem is coming every Saturday!