Poetry: #95 Used (Used 3)
A selection from a personal collection: Used
Article voiceover
Preface
As this collection unfolds each week, I want you, dear reader or listener, to understand that no matter what you’re going through, what you’ve been through, there is an end—there is light at the end of the tunnel. Letting go of the past is only possible if you live in the present. Make the past history, learn what you can about yourself, at whatever pace is comfortable, and I promise your present will take you to a brighter future.
Used
I have been used. There I said it. I have been taken for granted led into a lie and left to die. Angels proclaim their fair share of prophesies as I stared the time flew by and then it was the time for tea. Come, come and sit with me. Let the words spill from your mouth like the used clothes you wear. Where did you get them? The mall, grocery, thrift store? How much money do you have within those worn jean pockets? When you purchased them were there any holes? Did you perhaps lose the money to an unforeseen pothole in the road? You drove it every day, and knew it as well as the back of your hand. Where did the scar come from? From working too hard? Are you salaried? Does it even matter? At the end of the day the paths you follow, the road you travel, it was all a pathetic mindless trip. Is there ever a confession so harsh to numb the pain that can be played on the radio? Is that even possible in the realm of things we call existence? Life, what is it good for? I sip the tea in a slim hope that everything we have conversed about is a dream. That the tea is the remedy to wake up from the slumber, that there is no negative force in the world more than our own minds. Whatever we convince ourselves into believing is just a fantasy, it is all a game. A game we play when there is no reason to live. To move on with you is a sin. To stay is a tragedy. To live is a curse. How can I possibly make myself forget the time we had? To leave it behind? I enjoyed every second of the chains being tightened around my wrists. I loved being forced to consider your feelings, but in the end... In the end all I have is regret. Regret that I was blind to who you were. To where we were. To whom I had persuaded myself I had become. To the blind eyes and broken body I used to worship you. I regret every second that I lied to myself in an attempt to understand what we had. To find peace of mind that we grew old enough to know better, together. It just so happens I tried to free myself by engaging in your dreams. I would have been happy. I would have lived my life without regret. But at the end of the day the concept I hold behind my lips…It is not for you. You are not worthy of my love, nor am I yours. I really loved you. And the deepest bits of my soul know you, and that may never fade. We were each other’s first, and I wanted it to be our last. In a way it was. The road you drive down, it is far less hilly than mine. I travel mountains, the bigger the rise, the deeper the fall. Every valley I land is more beautiful than the last but it doesn’t help my desire to reach the top of the next peak in an attempt to create a far better life than I once had. You, I don’t know, I have no clue as to what your plans beyond your career are. Every time I tried to get a definitive answer I found a brick wall. A wall I didn’t see until now. I didn’t shut you out of my future, but you always knew that your future had nothing to do with me. That friends are all we shall be. That I need another to raise the cancer inside my soul out and cleanse the used up crevice, the abyss… I wanted to be with you, a part of you, and I received my wish. Now I have more regret for my actions than I do letting you convince me without trying. The bloody wine, cherry wine, our wine. I want to say temptress, dressed in white But she is in black, the color from inside. Her eyes with tears, the apparition of my dreams Gone Leaving me used, broken, bleeding Alone Forever I am alone.
What are your thoughts on this poem?
I hear another poem is coming every Saturday!